Words: Dr Sonja Falck

Photo: Tony C French

How a conversation in a lift with a fellow Mensa member prompted Dr Sonja Falck to write her latest book, Living with Extreme Intelligence.

More than a hundred fellow Mensa members attended a talk by me in London a few years ago titled ‘The Three Vital Communication Skills for High-IQ Individuals’. At that talk, in the lift afterwards, one of the attendees said to me: “But we need more examples of how to actually do this.”

Following that, I received emails from Mensa members in other countries, who had heard about my talk, asking whether I could point them to any publications of the talk’s content. At that time, I didn’t have any published version of the talk’s content. But I got working on it, and now I do – in the form of my third book, which has just come out on 30 March 2023.

BREAKING BARRIERS

I was honoured to have Mensa members attend the launch event for my first book, Extreme Intelligence, in November 2019. That book, which arose out of my doctoral research in which more than 200 Mensa members participated, gave an in-depth presentation of the many issues and debates surrounding high intelligence. It examined the implications for a person of being born with a very high IQ, and the predicaments this typically involves for them as a social minority. I discussed how the terms ‘intelligence’, ‘giftedness’, ‘expertise’, and ‘genius’ relate to each other, and drew on the research fields related to each of these terms.

My second book, The Psychology of Intelligence, came out during lockdown, so we had no launch event. That book provides a historical contextualisation of the contradictory ways in which Western society has conceptualised and responded to human intelligence through the ages and analyses the psychology that underlies the way we relate to human intelligence.

And now my third book – Living with Extreme Intelligence – gives the Mensa-member-in-the-lift exactly what they asked for: a practical manual of how individuals with top 2% IQ can master the communication skills that will help them break through barriers of frustration, underachievement and loneliness, to bring about brain-changingly positive conversations and joyful interpersonal effectiveness. The book gives lots of examples from my consulting work (psychotherapy and coaching), and from novels, cinema, the media, the literature on giftedness, and biographical material on high-profile, high-IQ figures, such as Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, and Lady Gaga.

NAVIGATING LIFE

The book begins by explaining the neurophysiological and social foundations of why we communicate the way we do, then demonstrates how to have better conversations in a variety of contexts from general social gatherings to the workplace and intimate relationships. It provides step-by-step guidance on things my research and professional practice have shown are often tricky for high-IQ individuals – like how to gracefully handle difficult conversations, how to navigate small talk and office politics and dating, how to write emails that minimise misunderstanding and maximise clarity and effectiveness, and how to breathe, listen, play, take a risk, bond, repair a broken connection, and keep yourself well through changes like failure, success, and falling in love. All of these skills and experiences are relevant for human beings in general, but my work recognises typical ways in which they relate to high-IQ individuals specifically.

The human mammal is genetically designed to seek out and benefit from good interpersonal relationships, and difficulty in relationships is research-evidenced to present a risk to our health, both mental and physical. Working with this social minority of highly intelligent adults to help transform relationship difficulty to relationship fulfilment, is my greatest professional fascination and pleasure. My psychotherapy practice has specialised in such clients for more than a decade, and I have had the privilege of presenting my work in the USA at conferences of SENG (Supporting the Emotional Needs of the Gifted), and in the Netherlands for the Gifted Adults Foundation.

With this third book, I have not planned a book launch, but I have rebranded my professional practice as ‘Intelligent Relationships’, and I am launching the trial of an online-based mentoring programme to work with high-IQ adults – which will also allow them to meet and work with each other if they would like to – on improving their relationships.

As you can see from what I’ve written here, I really listen to the feedback I receive from Mensa members – even if we have just happened to step into a lift together!

This feature article was first published in the May/June 2023 issue of the British Mensa membership magazine, IQ.